Eight Characteristics of Boxers

In our household, the dogs pretty much run the show.  We have two Boxers: A 2 year old female and a 1 year old male, both altered.  Every day it's something new with these rascals -- they always keep life interesting and they're a lot of fun.  They're also a total pain in the ass every damn day.  When anyone asks when I'm going to have a kid my default response is "I have dogs".  If they've ever spent time with a Boxer, they understand what I'm talking about.

1. The Farting

Like any other dog with a squished face, there is no getting around a lot of farting.  And not just silent-but-deadlys, but farts that make real sounds that are all too reminiscent of human farts.  We've gone through over 5 different brands of food trying to find the one miracle remedy that will cure it all.  Alas, we gave up.  It's a pretty common occurrence to have the sound of a gassy Boxer interrupting a TV show or waking us up while we're trying to sleep.  Sometimes it's funny.  Usually it's just disgusting.

2. The Routine

Boxers are the epitome of a "routine dog".  Once they get used to eating at a certain time, they will move mountains to make sure they eat at that time every day. Give up any hopes of sleeping in, because they're up in the morning at the same time every day waiting to get breakfast.  And when they're ready to go to bed, they'll whine at you.  Or if the bedroom door is open, they'll just climb into bed and call it a night with or without you.

Oh hey, did you want to lay here?

3. The Personal Space

Don't expect to have any.  Boxers do this thing that Luke and I refer to as "lumping", where they become sacks of potatoes that are unmovable objects.  Krogan leans into you so hard that you fall over.  Echo drapes herself over my shoulders while I'm sitting on the couch, and she's 50 pounds.  Both of them lay on top of me while I'm trying to sleep.  There is no such thing as "too close" with Boxers.

4. The Snuggling

If you have more than one Boxer, be prepared for them to snuggle together in hopelessly adorable ways.  However, don't forget that more than one Boxer means double the farts. (See #1)  This is how they sucker you into obtaining as many Boxers as possible.  It's part of their scheme.

5. The Playing

Boxers have a unique style of playing.  Whether it's with another dog or with a carrot on the floor, Boxers pounce at everything.  They play like they've never played before.  They can't stop playing.  They sound like they're killing each other when they play by making the most horrific sounds.  This is another reason people get two -- because if they play with each other they might leave you the eff alone for a second.  It doesn't really work...two Boxers will just drive you nuts.  And pounce on your face.

6. The Snoring

Boxers sleep harder than any breed I've known.  When they're out, they're passed out for the long haul.  They play at 100 miles per hour and then crash extremely hard.  This is the only peaceful time you will ever have.

7. The Begging

The only thing in life that Boxers like more than sleeping and playing is eating.  They could eat 10 meals a day and then want dessert.  When a Boxer has it's eye on something you have, it is convinced that it can will it into its mouth simply by staring intently.  Expect the Boxer to sneak in the least stealthy way possible and get as close as can be to your food.  Resist the urge to give in, no matter how cute.

8. The Destruction

Don't leave anything unattended.   Boxers insist that every inanimate object is out to get them, from TV remotes to W-2s and even a Skyrim Prima guide.  If anything is important to you, it threatens the exclusivity of your love available for the Boxer.  A Boxer needs to make sure that it's the only thing that matters to you in the house. Therefore, anything you love must die.

Goodbye Skyrim guide, it was nice knowin' ya.

At the end of the day, Boxers will test you in every way imaginable.  They can be destructive, naughty in every way, loud, hot, obnoxious, frustrating.  But they're also the most awesome breed of dog because every day you will laugh.  They will snuggle and warm your heart when it needs warming.  They'll ruin your things and piss you off but then rest their head on your lap and give you nothing but love.  Boxers are the best. <3