In the real world, I'm pretty comfortable and confident with who I am. I'm of the age now where I'm no longer struggling to "find myself" and I'm pretty set as far as life goes. But on the internet, my god. I'm like a walking contradiction.
It's not news to anyone that I have a lot of blogs. Whenever I'm feeling interested in something, I want to start a blog about it. When I'm playing WoW, I read tons of WoW blogs and need to start one. When I am feeling particularly interested in the social game industry, I'll write about it on my domain name attached to my full name. When I'm wanting to rant about sexism in video game culture, I'll head over to The Border House. When I'm updating about my weight loss progress, I'll post to my exercise blog. I have a couple other mostly-abandoned blogs focusing on riding horses and indie music. And I have some freelance gigs on the side when I want to get paid for all this text. I really fucking love to blog. I've been blogging since I ever bought a computer, it's what got me a job in the game industry in the first place.
Other than The Border House, I don't have what I'd call a "successful" blog. (And the success over there is attributed to a ton of people by the way, it's not a solo endeavor by any means). You know, something where the comments are flourishing and I get a lot of traffic and people really care what I have to say. I'm envious of some blogs on the internet. I feel like I'm not funny enough to entertain people like on Autostraddle, I'm not intelligent enough to run a blog like Shakesville, I'm not good enough at writing to know what my voice is and manage to grow a following anymore. I miss what I used to have on my gaming blog back in 2006-2007. It was a real community, a camaraderie, a place that I was so excited to log into multiple times per day and speak my mind (and people enjoyed commenting there too).
I could do this at The Border House, but it has such a serious tone over there. The posts that get real traction are the longwinded academic posts, and that's not me. I don't know enough about feminist concepts, nor do I play enough games nowadays to really contribute in a huge capacity to the editorial output over there. I mostly play a "behind the scenes" role, which is less exciting than being the one to sling words all over the place.
I don't know what I'm looking for. I want to write about something, but I don't know what, and I don't know where. I have this entrepreneurial spirit that's dying to come out, and I don't know where to concentrate my efforts.
This helps. I like just typing on this blog and seeing what happens.