Wednesday, September 12, 2012


Well, we didn't get the house we put an offer on. We were the lowest offer and they decided to go with another offer without even counter-offering us.  Luke and I are trying hard not to get discouraged -- after all, we've only been doing this process for a month.  However, it's so frustrating because it feels like home prices are going up and we don't want to lose our awesome interest rate.  It feels like the perfect time to buy a house, yet nothing perfect is happening.  We're used to getting everything we want, when we want it.  This will take some damn adjustment.  But then again, there are people in our country getting the fucking bubonic plague from squirrels, so my life is pretty damn good.

Speaking of good, my boss asked me that question today where he wanted to know what my career aspirations are and where I want to go from here.  Typically, that is an easy question for me to answer.  "Up!" I would gleefully exclaim.  This was the first time, honestly, that I have felt completely and totally comfortable existing exactly the way I am.  I have a pretty sweet gig.  I'm the Studio Director at a company that makes iOS games, but I work from home.  It gives me wonderful autonomy to work when it makes the most sense for me, yet be available for my team at all hours.  I spend a whole shit ton of time talking to my dogs and wondering why they're not laughing at my jokes.  I don't get the fancy free catered lunches anymore, but I've traded it in for the freeing ability to wearing whatever the fuck I want all day long.  90 degrees out today?  Okay, I'll skip wearing a shirt entirely.  Don't feel like showering and making my hair look good this morning?  I don't.  These are luxuries I don't want to lose.

I have to admit that it's a strange feeling to be comfortable in my skin and with my career.  I think I'm doing what I'm skilled to do.  I'm enjoying the ride.  If I answered his question with 100% honesty, I'd tell him that my next stop is getting pregnant, quitting, and staying home to raise my future child.  I don't suspect that would be met with congratulations, and I feel like it's almost me "giving up" or losing all that ambition I once had.  I moved up really fast in my career, and I've rarely gotten to stop and think about what I want to be when I grow up.  I knew I wanted to become a Producer, but I so quickly skipped right through that experience and was promoted so fast that I never thought about where I want to go from here.  VP of Something-Or-Other, I guess.  The likelihood of nailing that kind of sweet deal while working remotely is pretty damn slim though.  Which is why I'm totally fine just being me.

I feel like society is constantly encouraging us to want more.  Through material things, whimsical dreams for ourselves, wistful jealousy of other people.  All of this is only spurred on by an obsession with sites like Facebook and Pinterest that show you just how goddamn perfect everyone else is but you.  The emphasis on possessions and DIY skills and any sort of display that shows how much more worldly you are than everyone's sickening.  Yet, I find myself playing right along into it sometimes and wondering if the person I am on the internet is getting closer to or further from the human being I play in real life.

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