Saturday, September 29, 2012

Eight Characteristics of Boxers

In our household, the dogs pretty much run the show.  We have two Boxers: A 2 year old female and a 1 year old male, both altered.  Every day it's something new with these rascals -- they always keep life interesting and they're a lot of fun.  They're also a total pain in the ass every damn day.  When anyone asks when I'm going to have a kid my default response is "I have dogs".  If they've ever spent time with a Boxer, they understand what I'm talking about.

1. The Farting

Like any other dog with a squished face, there is no getting around a lot of farting.  And not just silent-but-deadlys, but farts that make real sounds that are all too reminiscent of human farts.  We've gone through over 5 different brands of food trying to find the one miracle remedy that will cure it all.  Alas, we gave up.  It's a pretty common occurrence to have the sound of a gassy Boxer interrupting a TV show or waking us up while we're trying to sleep.  Sometimes it's funny.  Usually it's just disgusting.

2. The Routine

Boxers are the epitome of a "routine dog".  Once they get used to eating at a certain time, they will move mountains to make sure they eat at that time every day. Give up any hopes of sleeping in, because they're up in the morning at the same time every day waiting to get breakfast.  And when they're ready to go to bed, they'll whine at you.  Or if the bedroom door is open, they'll just climb into bed and call it a night with or without you.

Oh hey, did you want to lay here?

3. The Personal Space

Don't expect to have any.  Boxers do this thing that Luke and I refer to as "lumping", where they become sacks of potatoes that are unmovable objects.  Krogan leans into you so hard that you fall over.  Echo drapes herself over my shoulders while I'm sitting on the couch, and she's 50 pounds.  Both of them lay on top of me while I'm trying to sleep.  There is no such thing as "too close" with Boxers.

4. The Snuggling

If you have more than one Boxer, be prepared for them to snuggle together in hopelessly adorable ways.  However, don't forget that more than one Boxer means double the farts. (See #1)  This is how they sucker you into obtaining as many Boxers as possible.  It's part of their scheme.

5. The Playing

Boxers have a unique style of playing.  Whether it's with another dog or with a carrot on the floor, Boxers pounce at everything.  They play like they've never played before.  They can't stop playing.  They sound like they're killing each other when they play by making the most horrific sounds.  This is another reason people get two -- because if they play with each other they might leave you the eff alone for a second.  It doesn't really work...two Boxers will just drive you nuts.  And pounce on your face.

6. The Snoring

Boxers sleep harder than any breed I've known.  When they're out, they're passed out for the long haul.  They play at 100 miles per hour and then crash extremely hard.  This is the only peaceful time you will ever have.

7. The Begging

The only thing in life that Boxers like more than sleeping and playing is eating.  They could eat 10 meals a day and then want dessert.  When a Boxer has it's eye on something you have, it is convinced that it can will it into its mouth simply by staring intently.  Expect the Boxer to sneak in the least stealthy way possible and get as close as can be to your food.  Resist the urge to give in, no matter how cute.

8. The Destruction

Don't leave anything unattended.   Boxers insist that every inanimate object is out to get them, from TV remotes to W-2s and even a Skyrim Prima guide.  If anything is important to you, it threatens the exclusivity of your love available for the Boxer.  A Boxer needs to make sure that it's the only thing that matters to you in the house. Therefore, anything you love must die.

Goodbye Skyrim guide, it was nice knowin' ya.

At the end of the day, Boxers will test you in every way imaginable.  They can be destructive, naughty in every way, loud, hot, obnoxious, frustrating.  But they're also the most awesome breed of dog because every day you will laugh.  They will snuggle and warm your heart when it needs warming.  They'll ruin your things and piss you off but then rest their head on your lap and give you nothing but love.  Boxers are the best. <3


  1. So true about the boxers. But you left out the part about sitting on each other and the "wiggle" as we call it. You know the wiggle!

  2. Purl ate my Skyrim guide too! Also several xbox controllers, the remote control to our new tv, a journal I'd been keeping for a year, and a bunch of shoes. I've always wondered why she sits on our other dogs. My husband tried to get her to stop, thinking it was an unnecessary show of dominance. It seemed harmless so I convinced him to let it go. Researching this phenomenon, I stumbled across your blog. We thought we were adopting a pitbull. She definitely has the pitbull shaped eyes but there is not denying the boxer in her.

  3. I know this is old, but I have a boxer mix and this is all very familiar. I wanted to mention the farting... *shiver* I have some sort of bulldog pitbill type fat dog mix too, and she also has "the farts." You know... the ones that *taste* hot and gross. Bleh. Anyhow, recently with all the dog food fuss. I started looking for a good non filler food. My last dog (rip bentley boo) was huge, american pit and something huge. Idk. But he started having seizures at 9, until he was 11 and passed. We narrowed it to cheap food which made me feel horrible. My vet suggested, and to never get less than 4 star foods. They aren't cheap and I've tried a ton of them. But I found one on clearance one day for $8 (score!) at Walmart called Nutrisca by a company named Dogswell. It's a 5 star food. I've tried other 5 stars also but this one also has numerous awards. The first thing I noticed when I opened it was the smell. It smells like total shit and meat. Which is a good sign I guess. It's my fault for buying salmon flavor. Ugh. Then I noticed that instead of 13lbs lasting 6 days, it lasted 15 days. My boy Rocco is the boxer mix, he's all black and has horrid dandruff. We tried everything to get rid of it. The food did the trick! Not only that but they both felt soft and clean. Their fur felt like it had just been washed in a bath, but hadn't, AND most importantly- no more farts! Thank god! I tested this, I wasn't trying to but this food is $50 per 13lbs and I just couldn't bring myself to buy it lol. I am a couponer. I needed a sale. So I got them a bag of some grain free Iams until I found a sale and I got lucky! Walmart 45 minutes away had 10 bags they dropped to $10! I got up early and cleared them out! They should be good for a while- and fart free!

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